I’m a little under the weather, so for today’s blog post I just wanted to look at some of my old battle reports from first edition. It’s fun to take a look back to when I was still learning this game that is now my full time job. There are two battle reports here, scroll down to the second one to see the first game I ever played.
Lilith Vs Somer
This is probably my favorite battle report that I have ever written. It was originally posted on the Wyrd boards on December 19th 2009 using first edition rules.
Lilith went down to the bayou, she was looking for a soul to steal.
She was in a bind ‘cos she was way behind: she was willin’ to make a deal.
When she came across this young gremlin sawin’ on a fiddle and playin’ it hot.
And Lilith held out a dim soul stone and said: “Boy let me tell you what:
“I bet you didn’t know it, but I’m a fiddle player too.
“And if you’d care to take a dare, I’ll make a bet with you.
“Now you play a pretty good fiddle, boy, but give Lilith her due:
“I bet a fiddle of gold against your soul, ‘cos I think I’m better than you.”
The gremlin said: “My name’s Gronny and it might be a sin,
“But I’ll take your bet, your gonna regret, ‘cos I’m the best that’s ever been.”
Gronny you rosin up your bow and play your fiddle hard.
‘Cos hells broke loose in Malifaux and Lilith flips the cards.
And if you win you get this shiny fiddle made of gold.
But if you lose, Lilith gets your soul.
Lilith opened up her case and she said: “I’ll start this show.”
And fire flew from her fingertips as she resined up her bow.
And she pulled the bow across her strings and it made an evil hiss.
Then a band of nephilim joined in and it sounded something like this.
When Lilith finished, Gronny said: “Well you’re pretty good ol’ girl.
“But if you’ll sit down in that chair, right there, and let me show you how its done.”
Knockin‘ over stage coaches run, humans, run.
Lilith’s in the house of the risin’ sun.
Hog whisperer’s in the pig pen rollin’ in the mud
“Sommer, does your pig bite?”
“Fo‘ sho‘, child, fo‘ sho‘.”
Lilith bowed her head because she knew that she’d been beat.
She laid that golden fiddle on the ground at Gronny’s feet.
Gronny said: “Lilith just come on back if you ever want to try again.
“I told you once, you evil bitch, I’m the best that’s ever been.”
Knockin‘ over stage coaches run, humans, run.
Lilith’s in the house of the risin’ sun.
Hog whisperer’s in the pig pen rollin’ in the mud
“Sommer, does your pig bite?”
“Fo‘ sho‘, child, fo‘ sho‘.”
We played a 30 soul stone game.
My Crew: Sommer Teeth Jones, a war pig, a piglet, a hog whisperer, 2 mosquitoes, 3 gremlins, and a 4 soul stone cache.
My opponent’s crew: Lilith, 2 mature nephilim, 3 terror tots, and a 5 soul stone cache.
Our missions: Grab the golden fiddle in the center of the board. For this we used a slightly modified scenario. The fiddle would count and act as a treasure counter from the scenario treasure hunt, and we agreed that the player who’s model had possession of it at the end of the game would win. If neither of us had it, the game would be a tie. There were no schemes.
Lilith chose a side and set up first:
Sommer’s set up:
There are a few decisions which I marked with an asterisk that are discussed further after the report.
1) Terror tot sprinted forward
2) A mosquito sacrificed a gremlin to summon a third mosquito and draw some cards
3) Another terror tot sprinted, making it slightly farther than the first
4) Sommer healed the furthest mosquito for two wounds and used git yer bro twice
5) The third terror tot sprinted
6) A summoned gremlin moved up
7) A mature nephilim double moved towards objective
8) The other summoned gremlin moved up
9) The other mature nephilim moved up
10) Hog whisperer gave war pig reactivate and fly
11) Lilith transpositioned with a terror tot, cast illusionary forest in fron of the objective, and moved forward.
Lilith’s crew was done, so the gremlins finished their activation. A mosquito moved up and cast souey, dragging the war pig with it. The pig then activated and moved three times. The pig activated again and grabbed the objective, then moved twice back. The summoned mosquito cast souey and failed. The pigs charged it and missed. Remaining gremlins and piglet moved forward.
1) Gremlin in front moved, focused shot at a mature nephilim, missed, and hit the gremlin behind it *
2) Lilith brood mothered mature nephilim, moved twice, transpositioned the war pig (which was 12” in front of her) with a terror tot (which was 12” behind her) The companioned mature nephilim then activated and swung at the war pig, doing 5 damage.
3) The pig activated and moved back, escaping the nephilim
4) Terror tot sprinted, killed forward gremlin
5) Sommer activated, git yer bro worked once
6) Terror tot that had been transpositioned activated and hit the mosquito in front of it for 4 wounds. (this mosquito had been healed)
7) Mosquito soueyed war pig
8) Terror tot in back moved
9) Wounded mosquito soueyed war pig and attacked terror tot
10) Mature nephilim double moved
Lilith was done. The hog whisperer healed the war pig for 3 wounds (taking it from 11 to 8) and gave it reactivate (bringing it back up to 11). Gremlins charged the terror tot damaging it, black blood killed the wounded mosquito. The war pig activated again, attacked a wounded gremlin, killing it and used eat your fill to heal all its wounds. My last mosquito moved and used souey on the war pig. The piglet moved forward.
Ok, I wish we had taken some pictures in the middle of this turn. The war pig was transpositioned 24”, almost into my opponent’s deployment zone, took eleven wounds, and managed to make it back into the very corner of my deployment zone at full health.
1) Hog whisperer gave war pig reactivate and healed it for 2.
2) Terror tot near the center of the board grew, walked, hit piglet for 4.
3) Sommer ditched my opponent’s hand with gremlins luck and healed. Ended taking 4 wounds.
4) Mature nephilim moved, swung at piglet, missed.
5) Gremlin swung at the terror tot near my deployment zone, doing one wound. Black blood killed both gremlins near it. **
6) Mosquito moved, used pull my finger to finish off terror tot.
7) Lilith brood mothered a mature nephilim, moved, attempted to use transposition and failed. Mature nephilim charged the mosquito behind the building near my deployment zone and missed.
Lilith was done. The piglet stampeded, hitting the young nephilim and died to black blood. A mosquito moved and soueyed war pig. The war pig activated twice, using all AP both activations to move, making it across the board.
1) Sommer activated, healed himself, used gremlins luck to ditch Lilith’s hand, and healed again. Ended with 3 wounds.
2) Young nephilim charged mosquito behind building, missed.
3) The mosquito used pull my finger, hitting both the mature and young nephilim in combat with it. It then attacked the young nephilim with its proboscis, and killed it.
4) The mature nephilim, seeing the young nephilim’s horrible fate, tried to move away from the mosquito, and failed. (this mosquito is my hero)
5) Hog whisperer moved twice toward war pig and used pig wisperin’
6) Lilith moved twice toward war pig and attempted to cast illusionary forest. She failed.
7) War pig activated and stampeded all over Liltih, missing every time.
8) Mature nephilim moved towards war pig.
9) Last mosquito moved, tried to use pull my finger, failed.
10) Terror tot sprinted toward war pig
1) Sommer ditched Lilith’s hand and healed. He now had 6 wounds on him.
2) Mature nephilim finally escaped the mosquito and tried to swing at sommer, missing.
3) The mosquito moved in between Lilith, the terror tot, and the mature nephilim and used pull my finger, hitting all three.
4) Lilith moved, killed the mosquito, and cast allure. ***
5) Pig stampeded, hitting Lilith for 7 and the mature nephilim for 5
6) Mature nephilim attacked the pig, killing it, and took the golden fiddle.
7) Last mosquito moved, cast pull my finger with a soul stone and killed Lilith and the terror tot, damaging the mature nephilim.
8) Hog whisperer charged mature nephilim and did 3 damage
1) Mature nephilim hit the hog whisperer who squealed away. He then hit the mosquito, knocked it aside and charged the hog whisperer, killing it.
2) Sommer moved out of melee range with the mature nephilim nearest him and shot at the further nephilim twice using dumb luck, and killed it.
3) The last mature nephilim charged sommer and killed him
4) The last mosquito moved up to the fiddle and buzzed very loudly because he was too insignificant to pick it up. (ok, technically he died when sommer did, but it made no difference and made for better pictures)
The game ended, the golden fiddle lying upon the bloodied grass. It was a draw.
* This was my biggest mistake of the game, a total waste of initiative. I should have moved the war pig out of transposition range.
** You may be wondering why I just let my gremlins die, but I had no cards in my hand above a six, and this netted me four cards. All of which, it turned out, were a jack or higher. Plus, I had no desire to let the terror tot kill a gremlin and grow.
*** My opponent was under the impression that once my pig made it into the 3” radius of allure, its charge would end. Which is questionable, since the charge began outside of the 3” radius. Perhaps I’ll ask about this. But, it was irrelevant once I reminded him that a pig charge isn’t an actual charge, but a push interrupted by a melee strike and proceeded to gore Lilith’s face off. However, it is worth noting that had he used defensive stance here, Lilith would have almost certainly lived. Plus, I got very lucky on the initiative and he had been burning soul stones to attempt to change that, to no avail. So he was out when the pig mauled Lilith.
All in all a very fun game.
Marcus Vs. Somer
This was originally posted on the Wyrd boards on November 22nd, 2009. It used the first edition rules, and was the first game of Malifaux I ever played:
Marcus sat in the bar, enjoying his Soulstone gin with his traveling companion, Myranda. Their animal companions waited outside. It had been a long day, he had spent it cataloging strange new plants and animals that lived on the fringe of human exploration. Unfortunately, his peace and quiet was short lived.
Raucous laughter, crude noises, and horrible banjo music floated in from outside. Marcus grabbed the arm of a passing bar maid, “What is all the commotion?”
“Oh, just the gremlins again I would guess. The bayou isn’t that far from here and there’s a tree out there they, well, they use it as a communal toilet.” The woman wrinkled her nose. “Anyway, they’re a nuisance, but they’re armed and nobody here is willing to risk a bullet to get rid of a few pests.”
“Thank you.” Marcus dismissed the woman and went back to his gin. He did his best to ignore the ruckus as he sank back in his chair and let out a deep sigh.
Suddenly the window next to Marcus exploded in a shower of broken glass and a handful of steaming gremlin excrement hit Marcus full in the face. His brow twitched as he slowly put down his gin.
“Uh oh…” Myranda said as she recognized the look in his eyes.
Marcus burst from the bar and charged towards the offending gremlins who were still gathered around their tree, erupting in obscene fits of laughter.
He gave his Sabortooth Cerberus the signal and it leapt towards the scum, snarling. The gremlins reacted quicker than the cat expected, forming a line and pelting it with shot as it charged.
One gremlin took the opportunity to creep behind its friend and point his weapon at his friend’s boot, blowing off the toe. As his companion fell to the ground screaming he snickered, “Woops.” He pulled the blasted boot off his friend’s foot and put it on his own, admiring the way the toes wriggled through the hole.
The gremlins had formed an effective line, but the Sabortooth was tough and resilient, shrugging off the blasts. Som’er Teeth stepped forward, adjusting his pants, “I’ll take car o’ this one,” he chuckled. “Someone, pull my finger.” A trembling gremlin complied. “Heh, heh, weapon armed.” He waddled over to the Sabortooth, adjusted his pants, and let loose his fury. The Sabortooth fell lifeless to the ground, twitching. The gremlins shook their weapons in the air, hootin’ and hollerin’ as Som’er Teeth took a bow.
Marcus watched, his rage building. He gestured towards the gremlin with the banjo. The razorspine rattler at his side hissed its agreement and charged. The great beast wrapped itself around the little, green musician and squeezed the life out of him, his banjo snapping with a loud twang. Marcus idly thought that it was the best sound the banjo had made all night. Then he got an idea.
He calmly walked up to the gremlin’s favorite tree and summoned the strength of the bear. He braced himself against the tree, uprooting the improvised toilet and tossing it aside with ease.
A silence fell upon the gremlin side of the field. Som’er Teeth narrowed his eyes, his lips curling into a snarl. “No…”
In the stunned silence the Rattler charged, taking a hail of gremlin shot on the way in. He engaged the towering war pig the gremlins had brought along, the two titans missing each other with every strike. The gremlins raised their weapons and fired into the melee. When the smoke cleared, the mighty war pig lay dead, full of gremlin shot.
“Woops,” Som’er Teeth muttered.
Myranda raised her hands in the air, her body encased in a bright blue light which radiated from her like a small sun. The rattler took on the same hue, its dripping wounds closing and its strength returning.
With renewed energy it charged, ensnaring Som’er Teeth and one of his hapless green lackeys in its crushing grasp. As it squeezed, the two figures in its coils stopped struggling. Then they stopped breathing. When the rattler uncoiled, the lifeless bodies of Som’er Teeth and his friend fell to the blood stained grass.
The rattler kept advancing, chasing down one more pesky gremlin before its bloody rampage was done.
“Knock down our shit tree, will ya?” The last enraged gremlin cried, not quite grasping the gravity of the whole situation. He sprinted across the field; stopping at a tree near the tavern, he unbuckled his pants.
“Is he…?” Myranda’s voice trailed off.
“Oh lord, not again.” Marcus sighed, padding off after the offending gremlin like a stern parent pursuing a naughty child.
The gremlin screeched as he saw Marcus approach and went running across the field once more, his trousers around his legs. He hid behind the tavern.
“Get back here you annoying little imp!” Marcus bellowed.
Myranda hid her face in her hands as Marcus relentlessly chased the pantsless gremlin around the tavern. This is what the great Marcus, the innovative archanist, terror to the guild, inventor of Chimerancy, was doing with his spare moments.
The set up:
We played a small, 22 soulstone scrap using only starter box armies. I had my good ol’ boy bayou gremlins: Som’er Teeth Jones, four gremlins, a war pig, and a six soul stone cash. My opponent was using: Marcus, Myranda, Razorspine Rattler, and a Sabertooth Cerberus. He had a soulstone cash of four thanks to Marcus.
We chose to play in a pioneer town because it fit the terrain we had. The board was 4×4. We flipped diagonal deployment and snowstorm (which we forgot to flip for throughout the game.)
Gremlins: Slaughter, thwart (announced), sabotage (yeah, I know they can’t do this…found out when I tried. To quote my gremlins, “woops.”)
Achanists: Slaughter, breakthrough (announced), sabotage.
We flipped and I chose a side and set up first.
After set up:
Turn 1) All models on both sides advanced forward with a walk move for both actions. The sabortooth cerberus pushed an extra 6″ with Stalker. I have no images of turn one, all the models just got closer.
Turn 2) Gremlins got the initiative and my boy with the banjo walked forward and flipped for it. The Sabortooth Cerberus then activated, used its leap ability, and walked twice so it was too close to my gremlins for comfort. Som’er Teeth, the remaining three gremlins, and the war pig all rounded the corner of the cottage and shot it to hell. Two shots missed and “woopsed” all over my own guys, but I got the sabortooth down to three wounds, although Som’er teeth had to use dumb luck. The remaining archanists advanced forward with two walk moves.
Turn 3) I cheated fate and used a soulstone to get the initiative. Som’er teeth heroically walked forward and used reckless to “pull my finger” twice while within range of the sabortooth. It wisely chose death over the stench. The razorspine charged my lone gremlin with the banjo, the only one who hadn’t turned to gun down the Sabortooth. He was fanged to death. Poor little guy, he only wanted to share his music with the world. The remaining gremlins and warpig moved and shot at the Rattler. Marcus and Myranda moved forward.
Turn 4) Marcus got in base contact with my tree and sabotaged it. (Nooo!) The razorspine charged my war pig and managed to miss with one strike and draw a black joker for damage with the next. The gremlins shot at the rattler, ironically drawing it as the model to be hit with the firing into combat rules and then missing it with the cb–>df duel, only to hit the warpig with woops since it was the closest friendly model…with every single shot. Som’er Teeth walked forward and used pull my finger, the rattler was out of range…but my war pig wasn’t. at this point I had done 9 points of damage to my own war pig, and my opponent had done none, in spite of his charge. Myranda healed the wounds on the Rattler from the previous turn.
Turn 5) I decided to start shooting at Myranda and get rid of the healing. So a gremlin fired, got a woops, and hit my pig, killing it. That’s right, I did 12 wounds to my own war pig. The Rattler then used his serpent strike to charge Som’er Teeth, killing him (he had been wounded by dumb luck and reckless.) The Rattler still had another action, so it charged a gremlin, killing it. One remaining gremlin walked three times to my opponent’s side of the board, the other hit the Rattler. Myranda did more healing and Marcus pursued my running gremlin.
Turn 6) My gremlin on his side of the board tried to sabotage a tree, failing when I realized that it was an anarchist only scheme. (It was our first game!) So, in stead, I ran and hid with it behind a cottage. Marcus moved towards him. Myranda and the rattler easily killed the gremlin remaining on my half of the board.
The game ended. I had one hiding gremlin, and my opponent had Marcus, Myranda, and the Rattler.
Neither of us accomplished either portion of slaughter. My opponent achieved both his schemes (his rattler ended up in my deployment zone and Marcus sabotaged my tree) giving him four victory points. I successfully thwarted him slaughtering me, giving me two victory points. The win goes to the archanists.
Ok, so it was a good first game. It was a little difficult because my opponent works at the game store and had to keep stopping to help customers. (I know, I need to talk to the guy about priorities. Malifaux > Work) But, all in all, very fun. I actually started out alright, massacring his sabortooth without any real losses because he jumped it forward too soon. But I never got to take advantage of survival of the fittest due to range…and Som’er Teeth dying. Gremlins desperately need that. And killing my own pig was not cool. I also never got to use “Go get your bro” because I have no other Gremlin models, owning only the starter. I think, in future games, this army should fair much better. Oh, yeah, I was also hindered by my own reading comprehension. At least I got good draws on every single terror check, I was expecting gremlins to be running like crazy.
Anyway, over all, fantastic game!